Let's talk about sex, baby

Cynthia Nixon has the worst boobs in Hollywood.

Clearly, a bit of explanation is needed here. This was a declaration I made while flipping past the Tony's, where Nixon and someone were presenting some award. The husband said, in his best 'I'm a trained fashionista' voice, "that's a really bad dress." To which I said, vehemently, "NO, the dress is fine. The problem is, Cynthia Nixon has the worst boobs in Hollywood!"

Now, why do I think this? For those not immediately getting a picture in their heads, Nixon is one of the former Sex in the City gals, the red-headed, not-quite-as-pretty-and-therefore
-more-serious-than-the-others lawyer. Fine. As we know, that show was known for its fashion sense, among other things, and Nixon always looked fine in the episodes. However, she consistently looked/looks horrible on the red carpet or anywhere else in public.

The reason for this consistent calamity is, simply, because Nixon always seems to commit one of the cardinal sins against which the girls over at GFY preach day after day: she seems to believe she doesn't need to wear a bra. Sadly, she is wrong.

And my noticing it is petty, I know! I should be celebrating her bucking the system, her avant garde fashion choices or her maverick style. But all I really want to do when I see her is say "elastic is your friend! padded cups can even out uneven breasts beautifully! let's talk about the wonders of underwire! or for goodness sakes woman, don't wear no bra AND a dress with a large empire waist that makes it seem as if your breasts are resting on your stomach!!! Stop the insanity.!"

sigh.