Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Rain can't hurt me now

Sometimes when Jacob is lying here, peacefully suckling away, I can forget the previous night's craziness for a few minute and just think "ahh, how cute." But sometimes I can't forget the night before and his inability to sleep or self soothe or calm down at all and I just have to sigh a deep sigh.

So, yesterday was eventful, in a bad way. Shortly after waking up, I felt briefly lightheaded but shrugged it off since, well, I am sleep deprived and a little lightheadedness is not out of the ordinary in that state. However, as the afternoon wore on, after coming home from running errands, I got worse. By the time the husband got home, I felt when I was lying down like I was on a boat and kept getting dizzy whenever I stood up. We checked my blood pressure, got me to drink a lot, fed me some red meat, and put me to bed for a few hours and afterwards I felt marginally better.

But the real story here are my thoughts during that afternoon while I waited for the husband to come home. Because, as my loyal readers know, I have had a stroke, and many of my weird symptoms yesterday were reminding me of that not so fun time in my life. And it occurred to me that if I were to have another stroke, this time I would be responsible for Jacob and I did/do not have a plan for that eventuality. Last time, I lost the ability to speak. If I were home alone with the baby, how would I call 911? Or if a stroke affected another part of my brain, affecting motor skills, for instance, how would I call 911? And how would I take care of the baby in the meantime? I had horrible visions of him screaming and me passed out of the floor. It was not a good afternoon.

Subsequently, we are putting into place an emergency plan to combat this eventuality, involving a new home phone for us with uber battery life and speed dial, a new cell phone for Matt, to make him more accessible, and a skype contact plan to get in touch with my parents if all else fails. Sobering preparations, these, but just one afternoon of thinking about all the very real possibilities out there has motivated me to immediate action. I can handle me on the floor; been there, done that. But putting a child in the mix scares the (forgive the crudity) crap out of me.

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