Monday, December 29, 2008

If you haven't got a farthing

Okay, it turns out I have a little splaining to do. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, my "S is for Secrets" post was TOTALLY and WILDLY misinterpreted by enough people that I feel some clarifications are in order.

Here's the story: after posting about a few secrets that weren't so secret at all, like the fact that we had a secret Santa, which I'd already mentioned, or the fact that we were having a small Christmas this year, that sort of thing, I said, and I quote, "And, the biggest secret of all? The goose is getting fat!" Now I thought it was clearly clear that I was referring to the not so secret fact that Christmas was coming soon, as in "Christmas is coming; the goose is getting fat. Please put a penny in the old man's hat," referring to the (I thought) well known nursery rhyme.

Instead, it appears that A, this nursery rhyme is not nearly as well known as I thought, making this reference MUCH more obscure than I had planned, or B, if a woman of a certain age, such as mine, even obliquely mentions gaining weight, the immediate and, it appears, universal assumption is that she is, in fact, pregnant.


Now, this whole scenario confuses me on many levels. One, since when do I refer to myself as goose or any other fowl, water or otherwise, even if it is seasonal? Two, why does anyone who has met me and/or reads this blog on a regular basis think for ONE MINUTE that I wouldn't have belabored (pun intended) to DEATH the impending decision to conceive or not to conceive, either in person or virtually? Mine is not the unexamined (or, for that matter, unexplained) life, is what I'm saying. Three, even if these first two points were not true, how BIZARRE would it be for me to casually mention, as a funny aside at the end of a random post, that I was expecting, in my case a particularly monumental development, given the health and previous pregnancies issues? Four, well, there are more than four levels but I think you get the idea.

So, to be perfectly, crystal clear: I am not pregnant. I am not joking. The end.

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